April Fools Resolutions

I am pregnant! I’m not pregnant
We’re expecting our first child.
I’m married! I’m engaged
We’re separated for a while.

I’ve abandoned my religion!
I’ve abandoned my belief!
I’ve become a mortician!
I’ve become a professional thief!

I’ve gone and got a piercing!
I’ve gone and cut my hair!
I’ve changed my sexual orientation
I’ve decided what to wear!

I’ve forever left the internet
I’ve become a hermit true.
This will be the last you see of me,
And the last I see of you.

Even Disney joins the game,
But none of it is true.
Perhaps I should stop talking
Or you wont’ believe me too!

I am changing my career;
I am moving out of state.
I’m developing new software that makes
Google out of date.

I met the president today;
The strangest tale to tell
He was in my town just on a whim.
Big Ben is up for sale.

The Supervillain outbreak has begun,
Oh wait, that one is true…
My company concluded a big deal
Ha ha! The fool is you!

Tomorrow the world will be safe again,
Just one more thing to say.
The only thing I’m truly abandoning
Is Facebook for the day.


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